Womansplaining Mansplaining
by Vanessa Ntungwanayo ’21
One day last June, my sister sent me a photo of a book entitled Men Explain Things to Me, along with the caption, “My day to day, in a nutshell…” She was working as a valuation associate in New York, and I was doing a research internship in Pittsburgh, so we were both contending with our own stock of well-intentioned yet patronizing male colleagues. Amused but otherwise occupied, I quickly responded with a string of laughing emojis and pushed the photo to the back of my subconscious. After reading Rebecca Solnit’s TomDispatch article today, I can’t help but feel as though someone’s been trying to get my attention.
Rebecca Solnit’s Men Explain Things to Me. Image courtesy of Goodreads.
Solnit writes about sexism and male egotism with a comprehensiveness that would be almost enviable if not for its unfortunate implications. A seasoned writer and activist, she details the effects of misogyny in its varied manifestations. For many women and girls, it is regular violence and suppression, a daily fight for the label of human, for basic civil rights and social freedoms. Yet even those who benefit most from modern feminism, progressivism, wealth, and technology must grapple with the casual misogyny that pervades nearly all facets of our patriarchal society.
Take, for example, mansplaining, a recently popularized term: the explanation of something by a man, typically to a woman, in a manner regarded as patronizing, condescending, and often inaccurate. Solnit, the originator of the pejorative, describes it as an “intersection between overconfidence and cluelessness,” and while she is quick to maintain that it is not a “universal flaw of the [male] gender,” her anecdotes and experiences provide ample evidence of its prevalence, particularly in the academic field.
While reading this article, I was struck by its timeless topicality, how this pattern of men miscorrecting Solnit, or educating her on things she already knows, has continued. I was caught between comforted validation and existential worry as I read about the time a man droned on and on to her about a book that she herself had written, or when an Indianapolis resident wrote to her asserting he’d “never personally or professionally shortchanged a woman,” then subsequently berated her for not “hanging out with more regular guys or at least [doing] a little homework first” before telling her story. My concern intensified as she proclaimed that these small instances of sexism serve as building blocks for the kind of cultural mentality that breeds institutionalized discrimination and injustice. I was particularly taken by the quote, “I surprised myself in seeing that what starts out as minor social misery can expand into violent silencing and even violent death.”
I started to consider the implications of Solnit’s ideas for myself. I thought about the interactions and relationships I’ve had with men and boys throughout my life. The majority of them have been positive. But how low was my bar for positivity? Often, I walk through life optimistic yet anxious, wary of offending anyone or looking foolish, and relieved when I realize that I’ve made a good impression. Thus, I tend to be overly forgiving of others’ foibles in an effort to minimize my own. I’d like to think that there are many women who do this, especially in the company of men. Not due to some deep reverence or shame, but due to an intrinsic awareness that the fallout of social undesirability would likely be much worse for a woman than for a man.
I think this is what makes mansplaining such an insidious phenomenon. To partake in it is to have the privilege of knowing that should you be wrong or appear abrasive, you have nothing to lose. That your perceived public failure isn’t liable to reinforce stereotypes about women’s intellect or temperament. That even if you make mistakes, you will still be taken seriously. Women, especially women of color, who foray into academic or professional conversation must contend with constant scrutiny, and the burden of appearing infallible. No woman, myself included, is actually infallible, so we take pains to hide this truth. You can’t say anything wrong if you don’t say anything at all.
Evidently, both this mindset and the one behind mansplaining are terribly flawed. Mistakes are a vital part of growth, for the express reason that they allow us to evolve into our best selves. In an ideal world, we would all feel comfortable in our imperfection—yet not too comfortable, lest we become what we had feared.
Vanessa Ntungwanayo ‘21 (vntungwa) is hopeful that mansplaining will one day be known only as a strange historical phenomenon. From the Pandemic 2020 issue.
Featured photo courtesy of Natalie Marshall ’20.